Plain Me Thats All

back for more blogging...hahaha ok wanna say that been up to the task man...big time problem...was helping in hq doing some design work which im bad in and next thing i know...i was put in charge of design...how great when i got lik 0.4 outta 4 for my subs...really make me feel stress...cg and svc was really great and nice...made me motivated to change for the better...got a bible but bless my ministry member even though i really wanna have that bible...when holding it is like WOW got a study bible at last how cool...but my heart said GIVE!!! and i gave...i really wanna change for the better...i cant do this task alone, alot of things i cant do it alone now...i need God more and more...home was rather quiet and void empty and all voidness in me etc...making me wonder what is missing in my life now why is it still empty...been more bout leadership changing myself and a few here there this week for me...a verse mar said in cg its the exact same verse i read 2 weeks ago...i just feel really sad and all...man i dont know what to do wih myself my life and all...God help me!!! take away this feeling in me, change my habits away, hold me close as u take me higher...i wanna put my trust and faith to Him as i work my way out of mess and all...this i will try all i can and i really wanna experience Him once again i wanna see signs and wonders i wanna see Him working in my life... Lord i wanna build u a big house, glorify u, save souls and last but not least follow my callin u had given me...I DONT WANNA FALL!!! I DONT WANNA HAVE VOIDNESS, ANGER AND SADNESS IN ME ANYMORE LORD THIS IS YOUR HUMBLE SON ASKING OF YOUR HELP... really wanna cry and shout out for once... now my this newly appointed task i will wanna give it to my abba father and let him to a miracle....everything i do is for Him.... i do kinda feel faithless, doubt bout myself doing it, trusting him and believeing in Him but still i will take my shot...i wanna do it and just this once for it is done in His name and too if i dont try how i experience HIM, his signs and wonders and many more... cant wait for a house on my own...i will make sure i do a long prayer walk round the new house, when planning bout the design and all i will pray bout it and really seek him first... i wanna wait upon Him and hear wat he wants to tell me...i wanna wait upon him for his instructions in everything i do and not only that i wanna hear Him say DO! YES! and OK! and all others before i do for without him saying i wont do it...

wat i wanna be and do
sensitive in the HS
patient to wait upon his voice, word and wat he gotta say to me
i wanna build him a great house
i wanna glorify Him with my work lettin him use me as a tool
i wanna be more confident in everything i do in myself and all
i wanna quit my bad habits and all
i wanna help him save souls
i want him to shine in my life to be a salt and light out there
i wanna let people know bout him working in my life
i wanna have my own home and let it be that it will be his house, his place of evanglism, worship and praise, bs, design and music, rest and a house for his use and service in anyway...
i wanna change my attitude, thinking, mindset, behaviour, mentally physically, spiritaully
i wanna be a faithful servant to him, not doubting his word,voice and reasons.
there are lots more i wanna type but shant say so much 1 at a time...

yes it is hard to do all these but He who's with me wat can be against me...he is my strength, refuge, friend, dad, councel and last but not lead my God!.... i wanna take a step of faith or better a leap of faith...help me and DO PRAY FOR ME!!! i really need more and more...yes i am back to like a baby infant spiritually but still i dont even i cant do all these as i know my daddy God will help me...dont despise the small...

things to do first
build myself up spiritaully again by reading bible and praying more
quit my bad habits
change my way of talking attitude and all
be patient and still

these i wanna do... i cant wait for a new change in me...so excited....

x.J.x

changed3:40 PM,
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