Plain Me Thats All

i wonder which is more scary... the devil himself, becoming like him, or u dont even know who u r or worst u dont even know anything...sometimes i wonder which is worst... i really dont know yes i am serving, gg cg and svc and all yes i have learn new things and all grow and all and yet the bad side of me grew too...is it me? or just during this time where im in camp or what i dont even know... i really dont know how am i feeling now...1 part of me says be happy the other? feeling sad...i wonder wats gg on am i being torn into half? i cant really be myself at all its like an all change thingy and lots more in me... alot of things are blur and empty now... i sometimes do kinda miss alot of things i use to have... i myself now dont even dare to think so much... had this dream that really "disturbed" me... seen all white spaces and suddenly all i saw is just gates at a far distant and praises and worship songs are playing in my heart its a dream vision or real i dont know all i know there 1 min seems like years but im more curious is if its heaven then where am i standing at which position outside to gate? inside the gate? or where i really wonder... i do kinda feel as if im standing outside of the gate... all i know is im really tired physically emotionally mentally spiritually prayed reading working exercising and all i done and yet...still the same... keep myself busy rshing here and there and still? yeah i felt its really unfair so aint dare to step forward just wanna stay in spot for the time being till i really figure out somethings and all b4 i take a step if not all will just be hurting unfairness and all i aint wanna see that happening...feeling more and more sick each day physically getting weaker and weaker, fever flu cough, my injury and all... really miss the hang out, movies, chilling and all... now i dont even know where am i...going for course? or not... happy and yet unhappy if i go for course and if i dont i feel the same too...WATS WRONG WITH ME...FOP is near i dont know what to do and all...haizz

x.J.x

changed7:11 PM,
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