Plain Me Thats All

wat've ya known bout my body now...damaged and big time injury thats all i can say...healing? i dont know...i have no confident bout my body and all now...all i know is just do wat ever i can and enjoy as long as possible...feeling very very down with my injury...may look happy and all but still wat really counts is inside and nothing else...i cant even run or walk properly wat more can i ask of myself...everyday i just tell myself PLEASE WALK PROPERLY THATS ALL... didnt really rest enough even though i am home...just felt its all empty and all...in army building fund and all people told me either u get closer to Him or just drag me? i DONT EVEN KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL!!! but 1 thing for sure im STUCK! sandwiched yes i do need Him but wat i am doing dosent seems that i need him at all i just dont know why i cant love him as a person as a fren as my daddy and many more i just cant..no matter how hard i tried, told myself but still i cant its like loving something that isnt there HOW? am just crying from my heart cos i dont even know what to do i cant see vision, dreams, or even anything dont say seeing feeling i cant even feel...now in me the feeling is just so "F"ed up stucked inside and all just so...anyway i missed this only nice event that i requested to go bboy and ballerina but didnt due to some stuffs...thats all i can say...stayed at home not in the mood of eating anything much...been really tired i dont know anything about my future and all its really depressing...if i know what am i gonna do and all i wont mind going all out now but the main prob is WHATS MY FUTURE!!! aint feeling really well today woke up and had slight fever nD called picked up and went back to rest...next thing i know i am really late and still aint feelin well...went out to get some stuffs done and all came home and rested...wish i could have another day off to rest, 1 more to count my blessings thinking bout wats my next step, 1 more to just pray worship and praise Him, 1 more just to fellowship with my frenz and the last day to get some rest again b4 going back in but cant...i dont have that much days...all i have is only 3 hours more to go and back into army...i dont know am i being closer to Him or further from Him...i wish i get the answers, comfort, help and all i need...am going really down each day...i dont know how long more i can last...counting day by day being happy and enjoy each day thats all...

back...here to blog again b4 i go offline...i really wonder wat will happen to me after praying more or less felt a tiny better or so but was hoping for more...talked to my parents over dinner and just aint have to mood to eat...quickly eat and went up locking myself in my room and sleep...been wishing since army till now all has been a dream and just dream nothing else...i suddenly miss my cousins having fun, my frenz morning shop, afternoon chill and night movie next supper...saw the pics on mar's blog and all i really missed out alot on fellowship with members, family, relatives and all....saw a vid on dance and just turn it off really make me feel like dancing even more but my injuries how...going back this week will be rather tough due to advance training so yeah...suddenly just miss some people round me and all...the past and the now...i really miss...

miss fellowship
miss family
miss relative (mother side)
miss movies
miss supper
miss walking shopping with cgs
miss chilling with cg
miss talking to my grandparents
miss staying over macs and all (khye and yz)
miss dance
miss listening to really dope music
miss open class at o sch
miss power house
miss cg

too much misses till i dont know what to write...i suddenly just miss loads and loads....really enjoy the times i had and all...thanks to my parents for really helpin me out big time...dad for taking care of my injuries and all taking me from places to places to see doc, taking me home and back to camp non stop and lots more mum for cooking good food and all reminding me tings etc love my family more and more...

x.J.x

changed4:40 PM,
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