Plain Me Thats All

been a while since i really blogged alr...1st thing 1st is i really feel rather sad bout dance just aint wanna talked much or say much still its an experience even though now pro o still church wide still aint rather happy bout it...2ndly comes to my grandparents really love em loads ate with em yesterday 31/3/07...yeah really happy bout it...ok went home dreamt bout time spending with ger is 100% lesser and lesser, pro o a big ? in front of it and many more i dont know whats wrong with me...im not really myself these few days even in work i feel not even having the attitude to serve ppl etc but cos of the money gotta work no choice no matter how tired still gotta work...ok came to sunday in church svc was rather good yeah fellowship with mar and rest then went off to meet my ite frenz as today is long's bdae yeah happy for him went over and celebrated with him till 10 b4 gg off to eat mac and head home...was smsing her too bout meeting and all and true enough time spend getting lesser n lesser etc...ok forget bout it aint feel like gg to details too...seriously been like a month or so keep wanting not to go for svc cg etc suddenly just feel of it really been like a struggle for me to go svc and all and im like F***!!! really been down praying for 30mins is like 30years aint know why i feel this way when praying now...in the past 30mins is like 30seconds fun and enjoyable but now is total opposite even waking up to me is like a sad thing i rather just sleep whole day or stuck myself in the room etc...really really i feel heavy feel like giving up aint carry on moving to sundays and all...cried during my sleep and worst i dremt that some1 in my family died and probs all arising etc negtive things and all i really feel very crushed...and all happens during such bad times...words starts coming into my mind u cant dance for goodness sake u r a disgrace joining talentien dance cant even get it, u cant even get a good GPA points in sch U R LIKE ONLY A 1POINTER and all, u cant do anything right at all, everything u do is a failure look back at your talentine dance u blunder and all, u cant even play games well study well dance well and all everything u do is useless nothing at all u r just occupying space on earth and all WHY NOT JUST GET OUTTA THIS WORLD, get LOST!!!...even when im in bus gg to svc these thoughts still came into my mind unoticed and suddenly tears just rolled down...and really wanna head back home to carry on sleeping but i told myself carry on going since im out at most at night go home...even my mind tells me HEY finish your promise in building fund and get outta there u r not fit to be in there u dont study the word power etc, waking up so early and all juts give up since its like a month more give up after that man....and my heart really felt tired and all even though no matter how hard i tried tellin myself cannot give up and all but still...aint really wanna go into details bout my life much now....just really wanna go serious on my mediacorp competition if there is 1 like my fren said as i dont know where he got the info from anyway....really wanna go for it and wack and win...pressure is on now i dont know why....now im just feelin tired in body and spirit....many more....

2/4/07

x.J.x

changed12:23 AM,
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