Plain Me Thats All

today was total 100% roller coaster ride for me....sadness more sadness happiness then even more sadness....morning took my heavy body to church and the moment i step in i even just when the praise started i cried...cried through out the whole svc when SY ROGER was talking bout god doing great in the darkest area etc...really shook me alot...i suddenly heard my heart tell me bout FOOTPRINTS and im like !!!!! yeah really kept me pondering till even now...yeah too said give up your dance money for BF as i wanna pay for my dance instead of BF...still i asked God "challenged" "scolded" "yelled" all sort of unhappy emotions i threw them all at my God while im crying i really broke down...after svc went down for cg and worst talked bout trashing floor and all really make me wanna "scold" etc more at God im really down to the core...(i didnt ment it, just that im really gg to the edge now...) anyway after cg was bs lesson 10...erm giving money to God and all im even more !!! why all so just nice is it some sorta joke and all it really bring me down big time now...this time i really realise saying since he asked so many times to give why not just give and trust...do the "test" on God...after bs went to help xueting get bdae present for her fren and went down to smu and dance and worst of all only 1 turn up...im like FINE!!! man im feelin very hungry didnt eat my breakfast lunch and dinner...did some dance and all and went home really felt very discouraged demoralised and all thinking bout steps etc i really question God bout my dance and its not the 1st time alr...told ger bout wat happen today yeah....my life really now is like "total mess" and all i really dunno what to do etc i feel rather rocky and all i dunno why think if SY ROGER is to have a very long svc sure i will just break down and just "lost" came home with many thoughts of dance steps but im really very down really wanna thanks Ger for trying to encourage me and cheer me up...came home and not really in the mood to eat at all didnt eat since breakfast till now went up to my room lay down and think and realise i just have enough moeny for dance classes(3) no more after that...just nice anyway suddenly my mind thought bout my future im gg ns soon then gg to work after ns and is like !!! i cant join emerge alr? do i have the time to dance in the future? what will happen to my dance and all? alot of these kinda questions pop out making me worst then b4...now here im just typing it down what i really feel yes even my mind,what i said and all is what i really feel but still my actions are they doing positive or negative!!! PLS SOME1 HELP ME!!!! DADDY GOD WHERE ARE U NOW WHEN I NEED U!!! suddenly i just feel like going into a deep slumber and not waking up...
Dance to Inspire, Inspire to Dance really hits me too on youtube

11/03/07
11:37PM

x.J.x

changed10:54 PM,
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