Plain Me Thats All

yeah back again...today was urber tired man sleep v late then wake up for svc then for PM lol....yeah went for make up cg on sat yeah....keep me thinking and all so really feelin very tired yeah after svc even worst kinda thinking even more cant really concentrate etc yeah...sometimes i really dunno wats wrong just feelin kinda different sometimes i do think i aint really into christ a relationship i dunno why i do have a dream a dream where i saw eveything came crashing down real badly ending up with nothing at all...i even see things real but turning up to be for something greater and etc really hate these kinda dreams....sometimes i really feel kinda tired going through probs and all why cant all just leave me alone...i wanna run away and not looking back starting anew as if nothing has happen....sometimes i do feel deep cuts in my heart and it really felt as if a chopper sliced my heart off into 2 or even more....yeah ANB really did make harvesters stay and grow stronger even more and some leave me in just stuck in the fucking middle like a sandwiched....i sometimes do feel 100% outta it and dont feel like going back but when thinking twice im like HEY i did alot of this and i feel peace doing it love doing it looking forward to it and also like i just leave im like leaving a grp of gd frenz behind and not keeping my word of pledege amount....WTF am i suppose to do like today going out with choons ger and gwendo i really feel urber tired but the moment something hit me real hard i woke up and start making me think feel and see....ger was right actually saying im not myself cos im feeling alot of things inside me as if something is in me battling and i really wish just to end it all once and for all but still things keep arising real fast till i cant even catch up for instance dance and sch then now money and life recently freedom and friendship WTF!!!! why is it all in a bomb like as if all wanting my life like that....is my life really worth that much trouble for both good and bad? i think my life is like erm worth nothing at all not being so kinda no self confidence but com'on its like my kinda so called way of thinking sometimes i do have feeling of not gg for cg svc pm pc etc aint any aint wanna sin like steal rob kill etc also just wanna go some where peaceful relax and enjoy my days on earth leading a normal life will be good enough for me....enjoying thrills and excitments, joy and pleasure, sadness and sorrow all these? nah just leave a so called ok ok life to me is good enough alr yeah thanks alot of peeps telling to jia you think positive and all kinda stuffs etc like gwendo ger mar andy and all...keep encouraging me.....think i seriously need sometime to just relax 1 whole day outside alone a chalet will be needed for an excuse to get away from home and think properly.....

UPDATES!!!

yeah back again...really feelin afraid but aint know afraid of wat...feeling really uneasy today also my right shoulder and arm keeps hittin kinda irritatin and uneasy now still feeling it haizz...yeah now wed prob came up again sch and cg meet up both same time WTF!!!

x.J.x

changed12:33 AM,
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