Plain Me Thats All

yeah...back to blogging yeah....today was tottally relaxed...went to sch for jean lesson and went home....gt some rest and went straight to o sch for carol's lesson super fun and PENG!!! hard to follow the steps hahaha....ok lah i guess yeah glad my parents are back for thailand safely...wahahaha so nice of them lah get me some food and blah blah....wahahhahaha so happy yeah but still the prob's there haizz...wanna go for PM tmr but i aint sure whether i can go not lor....my praents...haizzz i sometimes really wonder why god is alwayz putting me in difficult position till im really really stuck....sometimes im really discouraged by wat is gg round me really speaking w/o my frenz think i wont go this far i will still be all on the same spot or even become negative i really wonder if 1 day im gone will they ever notice? i aint sure but for all i know if any1 of em is gone i will sure go and find yeah..i forgot what trigger me think bout this yeah...really everything seems at its position on the surface but at the bottom things aint wat all seems to be....sometimes im even too afraid of myself too....really im just hanging there for as long as i could with the help of god,holy spirit and my frenz im really just barely hanging there or mayb beign in the "safety zone" a little...just a tiny bit....really really i dont know when all will just topple down and crushing down making both surface and all be the same yeah....by then i guess its time to reuild again...sometimes i really do wish miracle will happen but yeah once in a while it does will it happen to/on me? i wonder...i put a card in my wallet saying i believe in miracle to keep reminding myself and another 1 talking bout some life learning thingy too....sometimes i really just wanna break free but i cant why ppl tend to hold me back and even if not everything wont be the same anymore and it hurts me alot like now...really no matter how close i wanna be with my parents i cant is like if im too close my parents will ask alot from me and all and i cant stand it and if im not close to them then i aint changing...i really aint know what to say but really all is just a matter of time...day/night/hour/sec passes i will let it out for now im just waiting and carry on waiting...am scared too whether will it change my feelings/attuitude/belifs and all im really scared as if now in me there is a mass war inside me breaking me down into pieces and who will emerge....i really wonder....ok im just talking nonsense cos i dunno wat to blog...lolx

x.J.x

changed10:52 PM,
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